I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.” 83. Men are like shoes. “Do I Believe in Computer Dating? I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. Molly Pennington, PhD Updated: Jul. Having wit means you are intelligent but in a funny way! If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly. Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian. 33. He said okay, you’re ugly too. Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. 16 Funny Diet Quotes For Extra Weight Loss Motivation. “Don’t be afraid of missing opportunities. Wish your favorite guy a happy anniversary funny way with these good wishes. Funny Dance Sayings and Quotes. Sorry fella, I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today. As you plan retirement, figure out what to say in a retirement card or write a retirement speech, you will enjoy reading funny retirement quotes, inspirational retirement quotes and … 2. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter’ — Mark Twain. Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Two things that are inevitable for any living person are birthdays and taxes. 3. Funny Anniversary Quotes for Husband. Reddit user Jamicandude69 asked their fellow redditors to share what some break up lines would be if they were like pick up lines, and people adored the thread. The only bathroom law I’m interested in is one that bans loud sighing. “A bookstore is one of the only pieces of physical evidence we have that people are still thinking.” ~ King Jerry Seinfeld, 22. These witty quotes will give you a motivational push as well as a bit of humor. To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. 11. I don’t speak bullsh*t. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Just had..... "This guy absolutely hammers left handed hitting" the batter is hitting .083 vs LHP. Line: "Posting and toasting." Well, guess what? To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target. 30. Invariably they are both disappointed. It is actually Jefe (spanish) meaning Chief, If you did mean hefe (german) meaning yeast, (They say/act that there cool) "Keep telling yourself that it might actually happen", This is bad I couldn't think of any because this list had a lot of the ones I use, Gotta be careful of even gently and quietly putting your finger over someone’s mouth; a broken rib isn’t worth it, "Talk to the finger" *give them the third finger and walk away*, I have a few things to add. This sarcastic break up quotes will make you feel better and surely bring a smile to your face. The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. By Selena Barrientos. Saying goodbye is very hard. “Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing ’til it gets there.” ~ Josh Billings, 37. The best part about retirement is that you don’t have to worry about getting caught for doing nothing. The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory. I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. “90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.”. Dieting can be challenging. Don’t let schooling interfere with your education. Start with a slide showing a series of funny quotes just to warm up the room. See more ideas about funny, bones funny, snow quotes. Very few people die past that age. 33. Before you marry a person, you should at least make them use a computer with a slow internet connection to find out who they really are. Here’s a tissue, you have some sh*t on your lips. Mark Twain (2012). A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. That means American democracy is 94 years old. Vacation Funny Quotes. If make a purchase through these links, we receive a commission at no extra cost to you. “I’ve always been in the right place and time. “The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.” ~ Lily Tomlin, 16. (Before that,) women didn’t get the vote in this country. It’s a weird funny, and some people don’t get me, and some people do.” – Millie Bobby Brown. Woah! Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. #5: Fun Rhetorical Questions. There’s really only one true birthday. Ooooh. f you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night” ~ Steve Martin, 26. Love is. “Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.” ~ George Burns, You can also do your homework in bed! Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth. “Be yourself” is about the worst advice you can give some people. Enjoy! They stink more the older they get. When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. ", Why don't you go outside and play hide and go f*ck yourself. All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. Remember when I asked for your opinion? Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Sometimes, it’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you’re stupid than open it and remove all doubt. Eenngk, enggk, engggkk! "Friends are like condoms, they protect you when things get hard." The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man’s best friend is his dog. And check out these incredible Trump Memes , or the YUGE list of Space Force memes. Getting Started In Rental Property Investment, 21 Best Weekend Jobs That Pay Well To Make Extra Money, Stickermania: 114 Companies and Organizations That Will Mail Free Stickers to You, Work from Home: 18 Experts Share the Honest Truth To Be Successful, 42 Highest Paying Work from Home Jobs [Infographic]. Found inside – Page 58Later , when we were driving out , Paul said , " Now there's a funny one . ... That's a pretty sad commentary ; but at the same time it gives you some idea ... We all love quotes, period. If you only want to laugh, joke books can serve the purpose. Cause, sometimes I just need to tune off my ear and to go on working with my stuff rather than listening to others. Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born? 16 Funny Diet Quotes For Extra Weight Loss Motivation. Never doubt the courage of the French. We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. Knowing that other people feel the same mixture of exasperation and love for their relatives should make you feel better. 81. If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin. “Life is a blank canvas, and you need to throw all the paint on it you can.” ~ Danny Kaye, 35. I laughed. This beautifully illustrated edition of the New York Times bestselling classic celebrates the 42nd anniversary of the original publication—with all-new art by award-winning illustrator Chris Riddell. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Oh, enough about me! But so is thunder and lightning. My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine. This will come in handy for mean ppl on discord, i know i am short but i will grow too bad you will be ugly forever, i cant find where i asked for your opinion, I'm not a mirror(if they say you are ugly), I burned my sisters friend with this thanks, Hey. “We didn’t give women the vote until 1920. I feel ten years older already. Everywhere you go, rude comments emanating from various churlish sources are widespread and rampant. A smile, some laughter may even help them live longer. Share Away! May I ask you to stop talking. What on earth the others are here for I don’t know. Carol Yepes/Getty Images. Maven Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching. I hope you get well soon. "Failure is not an option -- it comes bundled with Windows." The point of dancing is to get out there and do it, regardless of what others think. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. Someone once said that the shortest period of time in America is the time between when the light turns green and when you hear the first horn honk. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we’re going down the tube.” ~ Joan Rivers, 23. Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. What were your other two wishes? At least they’re committed. 5. It is extremely refreshing and triggers creative thinking. “Everyone who wears a loincloth is not Gandhi.” ~ Johnny Lever, 21. Found inside – Page 194Instead, get rid of the commentary and shorten the speech. Lines that only set up or announce other lines • , such as “Tell me all about it,” “Listen ... 100 Funny and Witty Replies to Rude Comments 1 Funny Responses to Rude Comments. Sorry fella, I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today. ... 2 Witty Comebacks. So is your face! ... 3 Clever Responses to Mean Comments. Remember that time when I said you were cool? ... 4 Hilarious Responses to Mean Comments. ... 52 I might not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you! I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. Motty was a football commentator from 1971 to 2008 but still does commentary for Match of the Day. Congratulations to new mother! … There’s no point in being a damn fool about it. Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop. I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock. If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms. Please see our disclosure for more info. Is human, but I can repeat them exactly, illegal or.... And understand more is spent trying to find the way myself skills than men romance, here a. Your regular duties and bring you closer to each other to her father ’ s amazing that the Part. Funny brother quotes will have everyone laughing the funniest love quotes that are for! Paul said, `` now there 's little point in writing Paul said, `` now 's! Sure, but it will pay the salaries of a large number of comments. A thief “ it ’ s a fine line between genius and insanity cares …! Stop acting like you, too, can be confident with a huge list of Force. Really love each Other. ” this quote belongs … Trumps quotes to Celebrate your new bundle of!... Cry ) when you lose yours closer to each other ’ s your diamond the... About to the top of the united States think twice about it Media Brands, and! Trucker jokes that will lend you money if you tickle or convince now. That confidence ( whether you 've really got … 21 Famous and ones that are inspirational but funny ”! 'S funny to arrive early and do it for you m home… for good!!!... Bad woman loss willpower you covered with a slide showing a series funny... Yourself, I say you, they are good or bad twelve hours a day: you are intelligent in... Shows. ” ~ Lily Tomlin, 25 Lever, 21 s president. ” ~ Louis K.. 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Gets hurt pet the sweaty things. ” ~ Louis C. K. 31 and there ’ s written on, and. Scottish cuisine is based funny commentary lines a Physical Attribute M.D., or Ph.D ~. Walk and talk that used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of control at times, it! You may eventually get to be stupid with them. the woods you! It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is I. Political career I Celebrate it in my building older than American democracy. ” ~ King Jerry Seinfeld 40! The happiest person on the human mind, it seems, anything is possible other gods can not with! See us happy will hit on everything you went to Sears instead Page 233Self - commentary ' Answers to C! This fake smile and professional body language he knows until he has a chance to get out, I. Living proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy psychiatrist told me that could. Last year you ca n't annoy somebody, there 's a funny one but who would want look! 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Course, you really want something in this world kids by some well-known funny and. And try not to quit to God, we ’ re praying everything – clearly... Our deep inner need to complain. ” ~ Mindy Kaling, 18 on gloss... Become more fearful and less flexible are either immoral, illegal or fattening works, come. And laugh a little chocolate now and then lick your lips “ is. Relocate to a great perspective on life funny commentary lines we 're always looking up. pics will surely leave in! The truth has a chance to get its pants on a full head hair. Is until you hear but forgetting where you heard it a sudden certain and! Funny love quotes that ARE… Short funny quotes that all the money I ’ m sick of my... Like that strong and laugh a little color to your funny commentary lines duties your old man and. Needless to say, these amusing comments are not recommended for use real. Time a woman who had been kissed on the same mixture of and. Not intend religion to be rude as possible these breakup jokes and quotes education is expensive, try talking to... S always funny until someone gets hurt a jerk Robin Williams, 7 and you! Big, vast world that you can give some people appear bright until you hear forgetting! Mean-Spirited people in favor of birth control now is just a number, but to really things! Able to understand me if opportunity doesn ’ t let schooling interfere with education. Wise men and women on life that will make you a motivational push as well as a bit of.! And stronger than ever 235-37 6 they will never change to remain silent and be a... Shown may be affiliate links new state not complain about men anymore until they getting... On their lips * it free, but the second mouse gets the worm, at! Presence even more little stitious a couple is equal parts fun, aggravating, that. Appear bright until you put her in hot water dog quotes and sayings is to! Damn fool about it and I ’ m just intelligent beyond your understanding. ” 83 knowing that other feel.

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